the museum of anxieties and victories

excuse me? where can i acquire a new brain?

I do not have it in me to write a longform essay this month. Here’s a list instead.

i had an anxiety breakdown six different times

And about six different things! I am very tired of living with me.

i read two books and DNF’d five

I enjoy watching BookTube videos in which people are being haters, especially when they are being a hater about a book I also hated. I don’t like it so much when they’re being a hater about a book I loved—I am obviously correct in my opinion, and all other opinions are obviously wrong—but even that can’t completely quash the allure of haterism for me. I also enjoy being a hater about the books I personally endured or abandoned. The lineup for June:

The Wolf Den by Elodie Harper
Reads like bad YA. I really cannot abide a present tense, first person POV. It’s another check mark in the box called If I Want Good Historical Fiction About A Roman Woman, I Guess I Need To Write It Myself.

Glassworks by Olivia Wolfgang-Smith
I actually did not hate this book. I think it was a case of the right book at the wrong time. Olivia, I still love you.

Passage West by Rishi Reddi
I think this book tells an important story and would be a good fit for a lot of people. I was already depressed when I picked it up and so I didn’t like reading it.

Immaculate Conception by Ling Ling Huang
I did hate this one a little bit. I did not mesh with the narrative voice at all. I am aware of my high standards for dialogue but this dialogue gave me the classic People Do Not Really Talk Like That ick.

The Dream Hotel by Laila Lalami
This one is on me because I didn’t realize it was dystopian until I started reading, and dystopian is the one genre I will never, ever touch, unless you paid me a million dollars—then I would probably go for it.

In the interest of non-haterism, I will shout out the two books I did read, Mutual Interest by Olivia Wolfgang-Smith (well-executed, comfort read perfection) and It Lasts Forever and Then It’s Over by Anne de Marcken (it’s about zombies and grief).

i read my horoscope every day

It is nice to feel seen and understood, even if the relevance of these horoscopes to my life is completely coincidential.

i ate sooooo much stone fruit

I love you, cherries. I love you, peaches.

i drove on the freeway alone for the first time

Merging terrifies me. But I made it, accident-free, and with a matcha latte in hand!

i spent time with family and enjoyed it

I am starting to like my brothers’ company and it feels really weird.

i bought tickets to see marina on tour

I have been here since Electra Heart in 2012 and now I’m thinking about buying a corset top to dress appropriately for Princess of Power.

i packed for a trip

Why do I have so many skincare products?

i spent time away from social media

I know this is shocking: I feel a lot better.

i did not write my essay about catullus 16

I did read a lot of articles for research purposes so I am hoping to churn this one out in July. I’m sorry to post another essay about Catullus. It will happen again.¹

---

---

1. And RIP, my guy, you would have loved Pride Month.